Holly’s CFS/ME Experience

Four months after the Energy Excellence Course

Amir,

Words cannot express the gratitude I have for teaching me the skills that made this possible. I will be eternally grateful for the skills you taught that will help me throughout my life.

“I never imagined I would ever be free of pain or illness, I never imagined I would be happy. But I am all of those things.”

I haven’t been in touch in a while as my life has been constantly on the go, I haven’t stopped. I can just keep going and going. It’s been 4 months now, and for the first time in a long time, I feel like I am living.

For me, life was only the waiting room. I lived waiting for the next problem to occur. The next time I would be hospitalised or bed-bound, or emotionally tortured by the cruel ignorance of people in my life.

A childhood spent waiting for the next crisis

I was ill from basically the word go as a child. I don’t remember there being a time when there was nothing wrong with me. I suffered a long time with no help, no understanding, and no idea what was wrong. I grew up with a sense of isolation, but until now I never understood why I always wanted to cry, why I just wanted to scream with anger, or even why I had to be at home ill when everyone else was having fun at school.

As I progressed into my teenage years, illness became an even bigger part of my life. Looking back, I feel that as a young teenager I was mentally tortured by being so isolated. Most teenagers find their early years hard, but for me it worsened as I became sicker and sicker the older I became, more withdrawn to my bed, and after a serious medical issue I was having to use a wheelchair as a means of just leaving it.

The first day felt different

I felt a dramatic difference after the first day. I felt lighter and felt like I could run and run. I doubted it at first, I thought this change was all in my head, I never believed it was real, I thought it was a dream.

“But I worked on the process harder than anything I have ever done, despite my doubts. It wasn’t just a dream.”

Mentally it took me a while to get here, as I was ill for so very long. But I am now happier than I have ever been. I truly believe in myself. I no longer care what others think, and the deep hole of depression I sank myself into is a thing of the past. Negativity is not in my vocabulary, and if it even slightly pops into my mind, I zap it with the process.

What life looks like now

All this has changed. You gave me the chance, at a young age, to be able to go out there and make something of myself.

I am studying A levels in Law, Drama, Psychology and English Literature. I am working part time as a waitress and I’m always on my feet. I swim and go to the gym at least twice a week, and I can shop till I drop. I can go out with friends and not care, because I know I can still get up at 7am.

“The most amazing thing ever is to wake up and feel like I have slept.”

As a young woman I have matured into the person I always wished I could be. I will continue to use these skills to further myself throughout my life.

Thank you a thousand times over.